BabyCenter Update: Your 35 Month Old

Your 2-year-old now

Try not to take it personally if your preschooler has begun preferring one parent over another (and you’re the odd man — or woman — out). She might decide one day that only Daddy can read the bedtime story, not Mom.

Habit is sometimes the reason: If Mom has driven to the babysitter every day, there’s a fuss when Dad does it. More obviously, a parent who’s been away on a trip might be shunned. It’s your child’s way of saying, “I really, really missed you and didn’t like it … I’m afraid you’ll do it again.”

Know that these whims are temporary. If you’re the one on the outs, don’t take it personally. If you’re on the ins, specify some activities that are done with the other parent so that you’ll get an occasional break. Continue about your usual routines with your child and things will fall back to normal.

Whatever you do, don’t try to win back your child’s affection with special toys or relaxed rules. You’ll only set a bad precedent and reward her behavior. Besides, the one thing she really wants (even when she’s acting like she doesn’t) is you.

Your life now

Feeling bored during your child’s tea parties, block-building, or attempts to play Candyland? Of course you do sometimes. Playing with a preschooler can be tedious business for grown-ups. They’re notoriously bossy, impetuous, and into doing the same thing again and again.

Don’t feel bad about encouraging your child to play alone sometimes; it builds her independence. Also look for alternatives you can do together without losing your sanity, like cooking or gardening, playing outside, or taking a walk. Or let your child imitate your activities while you work, for example, at her own “desk” or play kitchen.

BabyCenter Update: 34 Months/Humor

Your 2-year-old now

Not only is your tyke saying and doing funnier things every day, but she responds to humor in a big way, too. Her preferred mode of humor isn’t wry jokes or irony, but more along the lines of slapstick, strange sounds, and funny faces.

Use humor to your advantage to cajole a reluctant child into getting dressed: “Where does the sock go? On your nose?” (“No! On my feet!”) Your child gets a rush out of feeling smarter than Mom or Dad. If you sense you’re heading into a power struggle, start to talk in a silly baby voice or quack every other word. Using silly voices when you read or tell stories makes book time more fun.

Your life now

Now that your 2-year-old seems so big, should you buy her some age-appropriate software? It depends on how you use it and why you’re doing it. Although older preschoolers can manipulate a mouse with ease, you needn’t worry that they’ll fall behind if they don’t learn how to use one now. (That will never be a concern for any child born this century.) Nor will computer games give your child an academic head start. Kids this age learn best through hands-on explorations with three-dimensional objects. A flat screen, no matter how many bells and whistles it has, can’t compete. It’s not clear whether any harm can come from computer play at very young ages.

Use software for kids sparingly if you do — the time your child spends at a computer count toward the total “screen time” he should have in a day, including TV. (Most experts on children and media recommend an hour or two at most total screen time per day.) Never place a TV, DVD player, or computer in a young child’s bedroom; it leads to excessive viewing and creates a habit that’s very hard to break. When and if you do use computer games, pick educational programs made for 2-year-olds. Ideally, play together so you can help interpret what’s happening.

BabyCenter Update: Beating Bossiness

Boy can we relate to this one:

Your 2-year-old now

Hey, who’s the boss around here? Along with better language skills can come an annoying new personality trait: bossiness. “Put my coat on.” “Come here, Mommy!” “Sit there, Daddy.” Your child sees herself as the center of the universe, so she finds it only natural to believe that everyone revolves around her. Although you can’t argue with that perception developmentally, you can coach her to be a little nicer about it. Encourage the use of “please” and a “nice voice” when she wants something.

Sometimes bossiness is a bid for your attention. She may make imperious demands because she really wants you to listen to her or play with her right this minute. Again, teach her to ask nicely. Let her know that you can’t always comply with her wishes just then and help her to learn patience by responding to her as soon as you can.

Your life now

You might be starting to see more and more of your personality in your child. (Or Grandpa’s personality, or funny Uncle Bob’s.) Sometimes children inherit their parents’ temperaments and sometimes parent-child temperaments clash like polka dots and stripes. If you were shy and your child lives in the limelight, it can feel harder to relate to her. Your personality can also influence how you treat your child. For example, if you were a star athlete you might feel driven to provide your child with lots of sports opportunities, even if she’d rather be playing with dolls. The main thing is to respect and nurture the child you have for who she is and not veer too far into projecting anybody else onto her.

Also, HL has developed a phobia of haircuts. No clue where it came from but we’ve twice had to abandon the effort. Not sure what to do next.

BabyCenter Update

Your 2-year-old now

He can’t read a watch yet, but your preschooler does have a rudimentary sense of time. He knows that yesterday means the past and tomorrow means the future, but to him, yesterday might refer to something that happened earlier this morning or last week.

The way your child marks time is largely through the predictable way his day unfolds. That’s another reason (in addition to providing basic security) that routines continue to be so important. He knows that when you go into the kitchen it’s almost time for lunch, and that after lunch he’ll be at the playground and then take a nap.

Use references to time in your conversation: “In five minutes, we’ll leave.” “We’ll go to the store right after lunch.” “After two more bedtimes, we’ll leave for our trip.” Although your preschooler won’t exactly understand these time frames the same way you do — that ability doesn’t come until second or third grade —you’ll be helping him get used to the concepts.

Your life now

Are you finding that your preschooler seems to get dirtier than ever? Mobile and curious, your child finds plenty to get into. Now’s a good time to teach proper hand-washing. Make a habit of doing so before every meal; bring a step stool to the sink to help your child reach the faucet. Bar soap can be easier for small, plump hands to use than a pump bottle. Sing a special hand-washing song that lasts at least 20 or 30 seconds while sudsing up to be sure your child cleans up long enough.

BabyCenter Update

I don’t think we’ve noticed any unusual behavior issues, but it’s good to keep this in mind:

Your 2-year-old now

Most of the time, your preschooler is probably a happy kid. But did you know that very young children can get stressed out, too? Common stressors for preschoolers include having too many planned activities, the lack of a stable routine, feeling sick, a move, a separation from a beloved caregiver, or the arrival of a new sibling. Some signs a child is feeling pushed or stressed:

• She suddenly seems withdrawn and disinterested in things.
• There’s a change in her personality, especially from sunny to sullen or angry.
• She resists when it’s time to go play.
• She insists she wants to “go home” when you’ve just arrived at a new place.
• Her toilet-training progress seems to regress (daytime accidents after several weeks or months without any, for example).

Give your child extra TLC during stressful times. Reassess what’s going on in her life and see if you can put more security and stability back into it. For example, if you think the problem might be too much activity (and all the related rushing and nagging), scale back your plans.

Your life now

Here’s a way to break a behavior you don’t like, whether it’s playing with food, whining, or screaming: Look the other way. Child development experts call this “ignoring to extinction.” Sometimes it’s your lively annoyed reaction that a child is really after when she misbehaves in a way she knows you don’t like. If you try this strategy, beware: You might first get a so-called “extinction burst,” where the behavior escalates for while. That happens because your child is working all the harder to see if she can get a rise out of you. Keep on ignoring and the behavior is likely to go the way of the dinosaur.

Zero to Three

I never post these updates because they’re charts and not simple cut & paste numbers, but probably my favorite resource is Zero to Three. Here’s their most recent missive for Henry’s age.

BabyCenter Update

Art!

Your 2-year-old now

You’ll soon be noticing some changes in those scribbles. When a toddler first learns to make a mark on paper (around 12 to 15 months), it’s all he can do to grasp the crayon — he used his whole fist to hang onto it. He progresses to being able to make straight lines and random squiggles, with most of the motion coming from his wrist. Around 2 1/2, though, a preschooler’s fingers develop better dexterity. He can now grasp the crayon between his thumb and fingers. This gives him better control, and some recognizable shapes will start to appear on the paper: primitive stick people, circles, and rainbows.

Give your child lots of opportunity to use art materials. Provide different kinds: fat crayons, fat pencils and colored pencils, nonpermanent markers, sidewalk chalk, watercolor, clay or Play-Doh. Don’t get too caught up in the what of the art; it’s the how that your child is focusing on now.

Your life now

Running out of ways to say “no” to your child? Here are some fresh alternatives:

• Give him what he wants in fantasy: “I wish I could l buy all the dolls in this store for you! But I can’t buy any dolls today. Should we take your baby doll or Raggedy Ann to the park today?”
• Empathize: “I know how much you’d like to eat dessert first. That would be tasty! I bet the cake will taste good after supper, too.”
• Acknowledge and delay: “I see you don’t want to leave. Let’s go down the slide two more times before we go.”
• Go for the silly diversion: “Crayons are for writing on the paper, not the table … Hey, look at this crazy crayon — I can’t make it stop drawing circles!”

BabyCenter Update

Your 2-year-old now

If only all development happened in a straight line! For all your child’s progress, she’ll slide a bit backward every now and then. For example, someone who’s been sleeping soundly through the night (finally!) for months begins popping up in your bed at 3 a.m. A pacifier is dug up and latched on to. Or a child who was potty-trained early suddenly has a rash of accidents.

Regression happens for many reasons. Sometimes a child is working so hard on one kind of skill that she backslides on another. Stress (vacation, a new sitter, Mom returning to work) or fear (of the dark, of separating) may also be a trigger.

When your child regresses, provide extra security and comfort without making a big deal over it. It’s okay to give in a little, with a limit: “Okay, you can wear your pull-ups today, and we’ll go back to your underpants tomorrow.” Kids have a drive to go forward and will soon outgrow any “baby” behaviors they revisit.

We’ve seen a little of this recently, but I suspect it’s got more to do with Tallulah coming than anything else. He asks to pretend that he’s a baby–to be held cradle-style and rocked, mostly. We usually do it and after we’re done “playing baby,” we explain that we love Henry our little boy and how fun it is to have a little boy who can do things that baby boys can’t. It kind of works. We’re making some progress on the big boy bed, too.

Your life now

You’re probably learning which discipline strategies work best for you. But here’s one you should never use: Don’t take away your child’s lovey (favorite teddy, doll, blankie, or other beloved transitional object) as punishment. Don’t even threaten to do so. A lovey is a powerful symbol of you and a source of great comfort to your child. No matter how mad you are or what kind of lesson you want to teach, you don’t want to mess with something as central to your child’s well-being as that.

Well, this one doesn’t apply to us because HL doesn’t have a “lovey.” He’s not particularly attached to any one item.

BabyCenter Update

This week’s BabyCenter Update for HL:

Your 2-year-old now

What can a 2-year-old remember? More and more every day! He’s developing a way of thinking called spatial representation or symbolic thinking. Basically it means he can see things in his mind’s eye. As experience and habit create new connections in his brain, he becomes better able to call up these captured images: what a lost teddy looks like, the way to Grandma’s house, the ice cream and cake served at the party yesterday.

Help your preschooler lay down these memory tracks in the brain by asking questions about things he knows: “Hmmm, what will the bunny say goodnight to next?” Ask him to recall details: “Did you have vanilla ice cream or chocolate?” At night, review your day together: “And then what did we do?”

BabyCenter Update

Because I post BabyCenter updates on Tallulah’s site, I thought I’d share HL’s as well. From their most recent e-mail:

Your 2-year-old now

“Again! Again!” The Teletubbies have this mantra for a reason: A hallmark of this age is repetition. Your little one may want to eat the same things again and again, wear the same clothes day after day, or do things in the exact same order. Remember that he’s trying to make sense of the world, and keeping certain things unvarying is his way of exercising a little control in all the hubbub of life. Rituals provide comfort.

That said, rigidity can get a little hard to live with. Indulge such behaviors when it’s really not a big deal. But if your preschooler’s demand is unreasonable or inappropriate (wanting to watch TV during dinner, ordering a guest to get out of “Daddy’s chair”), refuse calmly but firmly. You might trigger a tantrum, but ultimately you’re the boss.

Your life now

Does bad weather have you at your wit’s end about what to do with your boisterous little buddy? Find the silver lining in your rain cloud with a visit to a local children’s museum, aquarium, or children’s gym.

At home, set up an obstacle course of sofa cushions and pillows to climb over. Throw a blanket over a table to make a “cave” or “house.” Bake cookies or bread together and let your preschooler help with the pouring, mixing, and dough shaping. Or decide to go ahead and face the elements. Dressed right, your preschooler will be perfectly fine in rain or snow and will make lots of new discoveries out in his transformed neighborhood.